Lessons from a Rap God

Maybe you've never heard of the Rap God — but it's Eminem.

In the movie 8 Mile, "based loosely on his life," Eminem was filled with fear and self-doubt. As a result, he could never quite get the words out when it mattered. And it really mattered, because the movie was about the rap battles in Detroit. When would there ever be a more important time to get your words out than in a battle of words?

What happened when he failed? He was made fun of, bullied and challenged — yet he remained undeterred. He was undeterred because he believed in what he was doing. He believed in himself. And he did so when no one else did or could.

At the end of the movie, in the grand finale, he did something no one had ever done. He let it all go — but not in the way you think. That's the lesson of this blog, and how I'll take control of my life once again.

What happened in the final battle? He took away the ammunition from his rival. He trashed himself — not because he didn't see value in himself, but because he took away his opponent's weapon.

Everyone has haters.

Some have more than others. I have a laundry list of haters. Full disclosure: some hate me because of my success, and some hate me because I deserve it.

I've got an extreme personality (I know, I know — you don't think so, but I do), and I have always believed that "everything is going to work out" in the end. In my previous life, I used that belief as the foundation for my decisions. Unfortunately, belief alone was not enough, and I made several mistakes and bad choices. Many times, I bit off more than I could chew.

As I get older and my life evolves, the list of haters from my past has shortened. I've been able to make some things right and make amends with others — but not all of them. For those reading this: I've lived in fear that some of the "wrongdoings" would come out, that some of my mistakes would become public conversations. It's time to start that conversation, because that's no way to live.

In the past, my actions were guarded — shrouded in fear of exposure.

Time either promotes or exposes.

I've always done what I thought was right and acted with the best of intentions. But as we all know, that's not enough. It doesn't mean the results were there. It doesn't mean it all worked out. It doesn't mean people weren't hurt. It doesn't mean I didn't mess up. It doesn't mean I didn't hurt others, even accidentally. In the same breath, I acknowledge them all. The bottom line is that I've made a decision.

I've made a decision to live a life unapologetically.

There's a major catch to living unapologetically. To do it, you have to have done everything you can to do what's right. You have to have no reason to apologize. So, in an ironic twist — to live unapologetically, I must first apologize. The easiest thing to do is to give everyone involved or affected a list of my mistakes. So here they are.

• I wasn't a good husband all the time.

• I made significant mistakes and was paranoid I'd lose my relationships. That paranoia caused me to lose them. It's a double-edged sword.

• I borrowed money I had no possible way to pay back. I believed something miraculous would come through to let me make it right. It didn't. And people got hurt.

• I've lost everything — more than once. Hell, more than twice.

• I allowed my character to be compromised. I made decisions that benefited me, fully intending to make them right, and when the time came… I couldn't. Never that I wouldn't if I could — I just couldn't.

• I've had incredible financial hardships. I sold things I couldn't replace. I asked family and loved ones to do the same to save me. They did. And I couldn't pay them back. I've lost cars, been evicted, bounced checks.

My life was a mess. I was a mess. So here's where I am now: I forgive me. You don't have to, but I do.

If you feel I owe you something — call me, come to me, reach out, and let's fix it. If not, I let go of the fear that has bound me. There's a good chance there's someone I owe something to, and I acknowledge that even if it's just an apology, you are due what is owed. So, I'm sorry. But that is the end.

Let me summarize.

I failed. I've been a failure. I messed up bad. I ruined relationships. I failed as a parent. I failed in business. I have been scared. I am controversial. I have been overweight. I have been broke. I have made every mistake to be made, at least once.

And now I'm cleansed. My soul, my spirit, is free. I will live unapologetically — because I can. And for the haters who remain and want to talk trash, I'll borrow the spirit of the Rap God himself, with my own spin: I don't need your approval, and I don't want it. I'll say it proudly and I'm out. Now go tell these people something they don't know about me.

Follow that up

with something clever.